Graduation (and upcoming surgery)

I've officially graduated.  I should, however, put an asterisk next to that, because the dissertation is not officially submitted.  I'm still waiting for two committee members to set up a time to sign all the necessary paperwork.  My advisor, though, is ready to sign...so it seems like it's just a matter of time right now.

Graduation was wonderful.  It was great to see everyone, especially people who have been away for the last few years researching and writing.  Savannah was surprisingly well behaved through it all (the ceremony was close to two hours long...).

Jason and I, post-hooding.

I'll have to add some pictures from the ceremony itself later..I need to get those from other family members.

To celebrate, we went to a nice dinner at the Melting Pot.

We had a ton of fun....and so did Savannah, once we got to the chocolate course.  She wasn't terribly interested in the cheese or entrees, but it was clear she had been watching everyone when the chocolate was put in front of her.  She knew exactly what to do.

I'm not entirely sure how much chocolate she consumed, but it wasn't long before this happened....

She had a little bit of a sugar high! After this photo(s) was taken, she regaled us all with songs from Frozen and walked us through some deep breathing exercises.  It was HILARIOUS.

I feel very lucky that so many family members were able to come out for this special day.  It's been a long seven years, and there were certainly times I wanted to quit, especially once I began the arduous task of writing a dissertation.  But family, and most especially Jason, continued to encourage and support me.  I also wanted my little girl to know that you can at least try to have it all--a wonderful family life and an intellectually fulfilling career.  It was important for me that Savannah see me working on this and, ultimately, finishing it.

Speaking of my girl, tomorrow is a rather big day for her.  She'll be having surgery to repair an epigastric hernia at 9:30 am tomorrow morning (at Packard Hospital at Stanford).  Jason and I are, not surprisingly, worried about all this.  While it is a very simple and routine procedure, it requires full anesthesia and intubation, things neither of us wanted our girl to experience.  Savannah knows she's having surgery and nearly broke my heart last night when she climbed in my lap and told me she was so scared. So, please, if you think about it tomorrow, say a little prayer/send good thoughts/take a moment to meditate for our girl.  We need the surgery to go well and, probably the more difficult part with an active four year old, we need her to more or less be inactive for an entire month while she heals.  We appreciate any good thoughts sent our way.

Love you all,

Ashley 

On Leaving Academia

As I write this, I'm just a handful of days away from teaching my last class at Berkeley...certainly the last as a graduate student, and perhaps the last ever (I've learned to never say never).  A year ago, I would have greeted this day with overwhelming joy, but something funny happened in the last year.  I started having fun again with school and my work.  The first year back after J's accident was really hard.  After a year or so of dealing with very. heavy. stuff. it seemed odd to be focusing all my energies on early modern Europe or writing about theatres and Calvinists.  It all seemed trivial.

But once I got over the initial hump of writing--and submitted a truly terrible first chapter--I started enjoying the process more (not always...there have still been moments that I've truly loathed in all of this).  I joined writing groups and found inspiration in reading other people's works (BIG hugs to my writing group friends..they made this past year one of the best of my grad school career), and found myself excited about writing.  There was joy in crafting beautiful sentences and paragraphs and sections.  I also had the opportunity this past year to really embrace teaching through my job as a teaching consultant.  I'm glad this past year has been positive, because come July 15, I'll be saying goodbye to academia.  I'm glad to be going out on a more positive note.  A year ago, it would have been very different.

But I am, in fact, leaving.  And happily so.  When I started thinking about the job market, it became clear to me fairly quickly that I would not pursue traditional academic jobs.  A lot of factors contributed to this decision, with the biggest being our unwillingness to leave the Bay area.  Jason is happy at work, we LOVE Savannah's school, we have friends here, and feel like we belong to a community.  I don't want to destroy all of that.  Plus, the Bay is super wheelchair-accessible and good for SCI-ers. There are, of course, colleges and unis in the Bay area, so if I really wanted to pursue academia, I suppose I could have done so.  But, when I really thought about what I wanted out of the next phase of my life...what I wanted for our family, it became obvious that I would not find those things as a tenure-track professor.

Because, when it comes down to it, there's a lot about academia that I'm happy to leave.  While grad life has been relatively family friendly--flexible, lots of ability to work from home, etc etc--pursuing the tenure track would be different.  I don't want to travel for work anymore (at least not for the weeks and months necessary to do proper archival work); I don't want to leave my family for that.  For as much as I've come to enjoy this final bit of dissertating, the notion of starting a new project from scratch does not appeal.  At all. I also prefer to be teaching rather than researching, by a lot.  These concerns, of course, assume that I would be able to land a tenure track job, that holy grail newly minted PhDs seek.  In the years since I began grad school in 2005, though, the academy has changed.  Budget cuts and other institutional changes have led to the adjunctification of the professoriate (see http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/04/the-adjunct-professor-crisis/361336/).  Right now, 76.4% of faculty at universities in the US are adjuncts--generally speaking, this means: low pay (like poverty level low), no benefits, no job security, no real guarantee of advancement, and so on.  I don't want that, and, honestly, I don't think anyone who has spent 7+ years working on an advanced degree should be put into a situation where that is their only real option.  I want security, and I would like to know that there is at least the possibility of advancing my career. I want something a bit different, which is why I accepted the job that I did.  Starting in July, I'll be teaching AP World History at a new private school in San Jose.  I'm excited to be teaching full-time, and look forward to being able to work with a group of bright, engaged students.

I have enjoyed the last nine years.  I have met amazing people, been intellectually engaged, and have learned the joy to be found in teaching.  So much has happened in this period--it truly has been transformative.  But it's time to move on to new challenges and adventures.

A Long Overdue Update

This semester seems to be racing by...hurtling towards graduation day.  I received my regalia in the mail a few weeks ago, along with a card addressed to "Dr. Ashley Leyba."  It's really weird to think that I'll be a Dr. in a few weeks time.

Along these same lines, the dissertation is going well.  I've begun revising chapter two, which is actually the first chapter I wrote (hence it being seriously terrible).  It's actually been easy to revise so far...now that all the rest of the dissertation is written, I know what this chapter needs to say.  My goal is to have the chapter fully revised by the end of next week, at which point I can draft the intro and conclusion.  And be mostly done!  And it's important to be done soon, because......I GOT A JOB!

Starting July 15, I'll be an upper school (grades 7-12) history teacher at a new private school in San Jose.  I've known for some time that I'd be leaving academia once I received my PhD.  While I love university life, I've been less happy with the politics and realities of academic life.  I love teaching, though, so I'm very happy that I'll be able to continue teaching history, and in a place where I'll have a great deal of curricular control.  Working in San Jose will also be less of a commute than Berkeley has been (though we will need to buy a new car in the next few months), and will allow us to start looking at houses in the South Bay area.

In other news, our household has more or less been continuously sick since we returned from Disneyland.  We've had sinus infections (me and Sav), generic colds (all of us), stomach viruses (me and Sav), hand foot and mouth disease (just Sav...and the entirety of her school), pinched nerves (me), and bronchitis (J).  I'm so ready for us to be healthy again...this has NOT been pleasant.  I actually had to cancel a class in March...something I've never done in 7+ years of teaching.

Savannah recently had her four year check-up (warning to parents who have not yet endured this...there are shots...lots of shots).  She's very healthy.  We found out that we need to take her to see a pediatric surgeon regarding an umbilical hernia she's had since birth.  If she were to have surgery (which is the most likely outcome at this point), it would be a super easy outpatient procedure.  That being said, the idea of her having any type of surgery freaks me out.  A LOT.  I'll keep you updated once we know more.

And I'll close with a few pictures of our lovely girl.

Casting "spells" using one of my history books

Uncle Bo's birthday dinner

A few of my favorite expressions from our family photos!

Love you all,

Ashley

 

Dissertation, Disneyland, and a Disastrous Week

Hello friends,

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated.  The last two weeks of February were beyond intense for me--lots going on at work and school and home (btw, we went to Seattle...had some fun...Savannah was terribly behaved the whole time...hence no real report from our trip to See Attle).  We went to Disneyland to celebrate Savannah's fourth (!) birthday last week, so I wanted to submit a chapter prior to departing, so that I could actually enjoy the mini-vacation.  Thankfully, I was able to send in the Geneva chapter two days before we left.  For those keeping score at home, this means 3 chapters are fully drafted and more or less ready to go (need to do some more edits, but edits are easier than drafting), and 1 final chapter is a hot mess that needs to be heavily revised (that's my goal for March and April).  I'm still on track to walk in May and file in August. Woohoo :)

Now, on to the more exciting stuff...Disneyland!  It's hard to believe that our lovely little girl is four years old.  We surprised her with the Disney trip...didn't tell her until we were all loaded up in the car (loading up/packing/getting Sonja to the kennel without her knowing took some subterfuge).  When we arrive to our hotel, she found presents from Mickey Mouse.

She got: balloons (including one that sang..which, unfortunately, had to be left behind because it wouldn't fit in our car...), a Mickey light, an autograph book and pen (signed by MM), candy, a stuffed Mickey Mouse doll that was nearly as big as her, a birthday Mickey Mouse hat, and some great decorations for us to keep for future birthdays.  She was very excited to have all this waiting for her.

On Friday morning (her actual birthday), we got up early and started our day with a trip to the Bibbidi Bobiddi Boutique where her fairy godmother-in training helped her get all dressed up like a princess.  She chose a Merida dress, complete with red hair extensions.

After the BBB. we headed over to Ariel's Grotto for lunch with the princesses, and to meet up with the friends with whom we were traveling.  It was hard to eat lunch with so many princesses coming by to say hello!

On day two, we spent THREE HOURS in line to meet the princesses from Frozen...and, yes, she waited with me the entire time (most families had one parent wait in line while the other parent took the child/ren on rides, but we couldn't do this.  The line was not wheelchair accessible and the park was too crowded for J to navigate with Savannah in tow).  She was such a little trooper.  Actually, with most things travel related, she does pretty well.  She loves hotels, is happy with airplanes or long car rides, and is pretty adaptable to new places.  We got lucky :)  At the end of three hours, she got to meet her current favorite princesses.

I think this encounter made her whole trip.

We had a fabulous time, and returned home on Sunday (after a great breakfast with Chip & Dale).  Within two hours of being home, Savannah started acting like she didn't feel well.  Another hour after that, she had a fever...uh oh.  We buckled down for a long night with a sick girl, and made plans to go to the doctor first thing in the morning.

Morning came....and I got really sick.  With something entirely different from Savannah.  I managed to get her to the doctor and home before I ceased to be helpful.  And the next three days were BAD.  I haven't been that sick in a while and, of course, Sav recovered faster than I did, so while I was still content to lay in one spot on the couch for hours on end, she wanted a playmate (because of her fevers and a need to collect three days worth of stool samples from her....ughhhhhhhhh...she couldn't go back to school).  Today is the first day resembling anything close to normal, and we're still kinda off around here.  Hopefully, tomorrow is even better (and back to 100% by Saturday b/c I have a JOB INTERVIEW!!!).  This sickness needs to go far, far away.  And, even better, not impact J on its way out!

Lots of love,

Ashley

(More) Conversations with Savannah

A&J: "Savannah, we have a surprise for you.  Next week, we're going to get on an airplane and go to Seattle!"

S: <puzzled look on face> "Who is Attle?"

A:  "No, not 'Attle.'  Seattle...it's a city."

S: "But why are we going to see Attle?  Who is Attle?"

A: <finally realizing the problem> "We're going to Kirkland"

S: "But what about Attle? I thought we were going to see attle?"

A: <defeated>

______________________________________________

A: "Savannah, would you like to get a snack before we go shopping?"

S:  "Yes, but we need a cart."

A: "We can get the cart after our snack."

S: "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

A: "Yes, it'll be fine."

S: <sighing> "Well, if you say so, mother" [ETA: Really? "mother"?!]

_______________________________________________

J: "Let's get in the car Savannah.  Time for school."

S: "Ok." <gets in seat>  "Daddy, do you know what?"

J: "What, Savannah"

S: "I am just so beautiful."

The Agony and Ecstasy of Historical Writing

When I began writing this dissertation....a while ago.....I had some strong ideas about how the whole process would work.  I had written tons of papers and thought that I knew how to approach writing: research your topic, write your outline, churn out the first draft over the course of a few days (though, if I'm being honest, most papers I turned in for undergrad and grad seminars were hastily written in the day or two before they were due), make a few edits (mostly grammatical...perhaps deal with some structural issues, if I was feeling especially inspired), and then be done with the paper.  I naively thought that dissertating would just be a bigger/longer version of this exact process.  Ha.

Dissertating, for me at least, has looked more like this:

• Conduct research on what you think your topic is
• Return home, only to realize that you neglected to study some facet of your project that has inexplicably become important
• Write a chapter outline
• Begin writing (after 2-3 false starts, at the rate of about 350 words/day)
• Get seriously aggravated at your (in)ability to put words into sentences; make grand observations like, "the Church of Scotland was a hot mess in the eighteenth century" (yes, 10+ years of higher education got me to the point that I could make such insightful analytical statements)
• Search for jobs outside of academia; realize you're not qualified for anything; back to writing
• Over the course of writing the chapter, come to the slow conclusion that your original argument (see outline above) was entirely wrong; take break to write new outline
• Start writing again; cobble together a few pages of continuous narrative; still no argument for chapter, but you've got a story!
• Realize your story is not very compelling or interesting to read; lots of self-doubt ("obviously I'm the worst grad student ever and everyone else knows what they're doing")
• Back to writing
• Deep thoughts about how all these chapters are suppose to fit together; panic over whether or not your dissertation chapters make sense together; what is the argument again?
• Meet with advisor; discuss something thoroughly irrelevant to your work; look at jobs outside academia again
• Back to writing; have a string of good days--realize this topic is actually interesting and maybe, just maybe, you're writing something interesting
• Share work with others; remember why you like writing and academia
• Revise, which now means completely gutting the chapter and rethinking everything
• Begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel
• Submit draft to advisor....wait 3-4 weeks for feedback
• Think you're done with chapter...then realize there are MORE edits
• More edits
• More revisions
• More edits
• WILL. THIS. NEVER. END?
• More edits.
• Sigh.
• Finally, chapter is signed off on.

And repeat this process again...for. every. chapter.

Much of this process is painful, and causes you to doubt your abilities.  But then, often when you least expect it, you have a day that reminds you why you enjoy history and writing:  you make a breakthrough on a chapter, find a new source, talk with a friend. Those days save me, and my sanity.  January was filled mostly with good days--much was accomplished.  I went on a writing retreat for a weekend and focused all of my energies on writing and thinking about this project.  I am wrapping up three separate chapters right now, and feeling really good about all of them.  I still have not figured out my second chapter--it's a mess....a hot mess even...but it'll get sorted.  I expect some painful days dealing with it, though.  And then, hopefully, I'll be reminded of the joy that can be found in figuring it out....in getting it right.  

Happy Birthday to Jason!

In addition to today being Groundhog Day (more winter!) and Super Bowl Sunday (meh.), today is also Jason's 31st birthday!  My brother came over last night to watch Savannah and Sonja, so that Jason and I could take a short overnight getaway.  We had a really lovely dinner...though, as almost always happens in these situations, we spent a lot of time talking about our lovely girl :)

Jason had a chicken mole casserole, which was awesome.

I had (two!) Sangria Margaritas....an unusual combo, but one that worked!

A churro sundae for dessert.

We enjoyed a nice, leisurely breakfast this morning before returning home.  While we were away, Savannah and Uncle Bo baked a spice cake (from scratch!).  It turned out beautifully.

I was impressed by the decorations on it, and we're all looking forward to trying a piece later this afternoon.

Hope all our friends in the east bay are keeping dry today.  I'll be posting a dissertation update in the next day or two....January was a month of intense writing!

Lots of love,

Ashley

P.S.-We are taking a rather unexpected trip to Kirkland, WA the week after next.  Any suggestions for fun things to do with a three year old in the Seattle area?