(More) Conversations with Savannah

A&J: "Savannah, we have a surprise for you.  Next week, we're going to get on an airplane and go to Seattle!"

S: <puzzled look on face> "Who is Attle?"

A:  "No, not 'Attle.'  Seattle...it's a city."

S: "But why are we going to see Attle?  Who is Attle?"

A: <finally realizing the problem> "We're going to Kirkland"

S: "But what about Attle? I thought we were going to see attle?"

A: <defeated>

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A: "Savannah, would you like to get a snack before we go shopping?"

S:  "Yes, but we need a cart."

A: "We can get the cart after our snack."

S: "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

A: "Yes, it'll be fine."

S: <sighing> "Well, if you say so, mother" [ETA: Really? "mother"?!]

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J: "Let's get in the car Savannah.  Time for school."

S: "Ok." <gets in seat>  "Daddy, do you know what?"

J: "What, Savannah"

S: "I am just so beautiful."

The Agony and Ecstasy of Historical Writing

When I began writing this dissertation....a while ago.....I had some strong ideas about how the whole process would work.  I had written tons of papers and thought that I knew how to approach writing: research your topic, write your outline, churn out the first draft over the course of a few days (though, if I'm being honest, most papers I turned in for undergrad and grad seminars were hastily written in the day or two before they were due), make a few edits (mostly grammatical...perhaps deal with some structural issues, if I was feeling especially inspired), and then be done with the paper.  I naively thought that dissertating would just be a bigger/longer version of this exact process.  Ha.

Dissertating, for me at least, has looked more like this:

• Conduct research on what you think your topic is
• Return home, only to realize that you neglected to study some facet of your project that has inexplicably become important
• Write a chapter outline
• Begin writing (after 2-3 false starts, at the rate of about 350 words/day)
• Get seriously aggravated at your (in)ability to put words into sentences; make grand observations like, "the Church of Scotland was a hot mess in the eighteenth century" (yes, 10+ years of higher education got me to the point that I could make such insightful analytical statements)
• Search for jobs outside of academia; realize you're not qualified for anything; back to writing
• Over the course of writing the chapter, come to the slow conclusion that your original argument (see outline above) was entirely wrong; take break to write new outline
• Start writing again; cobble together a few pages of continuous narrative; still no argument for chapter, but you've got a story!
• Realize your story is not very compelling or interesting to read; lots of self-doubt ("obviously I'm the worst grad student ever and everyone else knows what they're doing")
• Back to writing
• Deep thoughts about how all these chapters are suppose to fit together; panic over whether or not your dissertation chapters make sense together; what is the argument again?
• Meet with advisor; discuss something thoroughly irrelevant to your work; look at jobs outside academia again
• Back to writing; have a string of good days--realize this topic is actually interesting and maybe, just maybe, you're writing something interesting
• Share work with others; remember why you like writing and academia
• Revise, which now means completely gutting the chapter and rethinking everything
• Begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel
• Submit draft to advisor....wait 3-4 weeks for feedback
• Think you're done with chapter...then realize there are MORE edits
• More edits
• More revisions
• More edits
• WILL. THIS. NEVER. END?
• More edits.
• Sigh.
• Finally, chapter is signed off on.

And repeat this process again...for. every. chapter.

Much of this process is painful, and causes you to doubt your abilities.  But then, often when you least expect it, you have a day that reminds you why you enjoy history and writing:  you make a breakthrough on a chapter, find a new source, talk with a friend. Those days save me, and my sanity.  January was filled mostly with good days--much was accomplished.  I went on a writing retreat for a weekend and focused all of my energies on writing and thinking about this project.  I am wrapping up three separate chapters right now, and feeling really good about all of them.  I still have not figured out my second chapter--it's a mess....a hot mess even...but it'll get sorted.  I expect some painful days dealing with it, though.  And then, hopefully, I'll be reminded of the joy that can be found in figuring it out....in getting it right.  

Happy Birthday to Jason!

In addition to today being Groundhog Day (more winter!) and Super Bowl Sunday (meh.), today is also Jason's 31st birthday!  My brother came over last night to watch Savannah and Sonja, so that Jason and I could take a short overnight getaway.  We had a really lovely dinner...though, as almost always happens in these situations, we spent a lot of time talking about our lovely girl :)

Jason had a chicken mole casserole, which was awesome.

I had (two!) Sangria Margaritas....an unusual combo, but one that worked!

A churro sundae for dessert.

We enjoyed a nice, leisurely breakfast this morning before returning home.  While we were away, Savannah and Uncle Bo baked a spice cake (from scratch!).  It turned out beautifully.

I was impressed by the decorations on it, and we're all looking forward to trying a piece later this afternoon.

Hope all our friends in the east bay are keeping dry today.  I'll be posting a dissertation update in the next day or two....January was a month of intense writing!

Lots of love,

Ashley

P.S.-We are taking a rather unexpected trip to Kirkland, WA the week after next.  Any suggestions for fun things to do with a three year old in the Seattle area?

A New Semester

There's something really exciting about the beginning of a new semester--new students, new books, all the possibilities.  I do love this time of year (exception to this being the very first day of classes, when Cal goes from being a nice quiet place where it's easy to get lunch/coffee to bursting with 30k+ people overnight...), but the first few weeks require some negotiating.  My main issue is time.  I got into a nice routine in the fall: I had writing times worked into my schedule, as well as times to rest, or do more research, or spend time with Savannah and Jason.  Now it's time to figure all that out again....my work schedule (at the teaching center) has changed, I'm teaching this semester (which is awesome, but this does take up time!), I need to finish this dissertation, I need to apply for jobs, and I'd like to spend meaningful time with friends and family.  I've not figured out the magical equation that will make this semester work just yet, but I'm optimistic it'll get sorted out here shortly.

The past few weeks have not all been about work, though.  We've also had some fun adventures.

We went to the SF Zoo for the first time with some friends from school.  It was awesome...and ridiculously warm for January

We baked the purpliest of cupcakes

I took Sav to get her nails painted.  This was the look I got when I suggested a different nail color....she knows what she wants, thankyouverymuch.

Blowing bubbles on a lovely afternoon.

Savannah has been working on letters at school, so we've been supplementing that at home.  Her energy and enthusiasm about learning is infectious.  I need to remember that learning is fun :)

We've got some exciting things coming up in the next few weeks: job interviews for me, Jason's birthday (on Sunday!), Savannah's birthday (we're going to Disneyland!), and, hopefully, the successful construction of a schedule that works for all of us.  

Lots of love,

Ashley

Christmas Photos and a Dissertation Update

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I intended to write well before today, but I've gotten sidetracked with various other little projects.  I go back to work next week (and begin teaching for the spring term on January 21), so I"m trying to get ahead on lesson planning/dissertating/other household things before things get real crazy 'round here.

We had a lovely Christmas, full of family, good food (if I do say so myself), and lots of fun.

Savannah loved the doll house Santa brought her!

The boys took part in a Nanoblock build-a-thon..they each got the same Leaning Tower of Pisa set and raced to build it first.

It took a little over an hour, but Jason won :)

After a few days enjoying the new toys, we took Savannah to Gilroy Gardens for their Christmas lights.  We had so much fun, but it was WAY colder than we anticipated.  

Sav gave her carousel horse a hug goodbye at the end of the ride.

Running to the next ride!

Driving the car on her own

The facial expression is priceless :)

Grandma and Grandpa on the train

We all rode the carousel...this is what Grandpa did the whole time!

Gail, Danny, and Nick flew back to Virginia yesterday--we were glad to have them out here for the holidays this year.

And, since it's the first of the month, a quick dissertation update, because there's not too much to update on.  I took the last two weeks off, which was much needed (and, dare I say it, well-deserved).  I'm taking myself off on a writer's retreat next weekend with the goal of firming up edits and revisions on two chapters.  Once I do that, I'll have one chapter left to finalize (plus the edits and revisions that will, without doubt, continue right up til I file the thing).  I'm in a good place with it...there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all.  

I hope our friends on the East coast are keeping warm this weekend with all the chilly weather!

Love you all,

Ashley

A Weekend in SF, and Returning to Where it All Began...

Gail, Danny, and Nick are in town visiting with us for Christmas and New Year's.  A few weeks ago, when we started asking Savannah what she wanted for Christmas, she mentioned she wanted to go to a hotel (in addition to asking for two Aurora dolls, a tractor, and lots of acorns), so last weekend we made good on this wish and took her into San Francisco for the night (we=me, Danny, Gail, and Sav).  We began our adventure with tea!

After tea, we checked into our hotel (really, the highlight for Sav...she liked going out and about, but without fail, she'd start asking to go back to the hotel within a few minutes of us leaving.  Not sure where this fascination came from).

We went down to Fisherman's Wharf and the Boudin Bakery.

Savannah got to practice delivering bread!

The next morning, we went to breakfast and Ghirardelli Square.

Making wishes in the fountain was a highlight for her :)

And then to see some boats on the Hyde Street Pier.

We saved the best for last, though.  Her favorite activity, hands down, was doing the trampoline at Pier 39.  She's a fearless girl!

She was SOOOO proud of herself for doing the back flip!

We've been busy with last-minute wrapping/shopping/baking, but, yesterday, Jason and I squeezed in a trip back to the SCI floor at Santa Clara Valley Medical.  Jason talked to a group of inpatients about life after discharge, and how a SCI doesn't have to ruin your life.  I also talked a bit about how this type of injury impacts spouses.  It was great to be back; it's good to be reminded of how far he's (we've) come in the past two and a half years.  We met some really wonderful people--one of whom was a young man who wants to go to college to study history.  I chatted with him a bit and encouraged him to think about Berkeley.  We're the best after all :)

Back in the halls that, for a time at least, were home for us.

I hope you all are enjoying this joyous season, and that you are able to spend time with your loved ones.

Love you all,

Ashley

It's beginning to look (and feel!) a lot like Christmas!

The Christmas tree is up!  I only recently realized that Savannah has never before had a full-sized Christmas tree.  We were out of town for several weeks around her first Christmas, so I didn't bother with decorations in 2010, and for the past two years, a combined fear of Sav pulling the tree over on herself/Jason not having enough room to get around have led me to putting up a little 3 foot tabletop tree instead of a big one.  But this year, we took the leap and put the full-sized one up!  We have an artificial tree, which doesn't smell nearly as good as a real one.  On the other hand, the fake one doesn't trigger my allergies, so we go without the lovely aroma.

As I was pulling the tree out of the storage room (which has become my personal hell...anyone want to organize it for me?), I realized that I had never actually done this bit of Christmas decorating before.  The last time we had a full tree was well before Jason's accident, and he was the one responsible for putting it up and making sure everything worked.  It's been a while since I've been confronted with a "new" task created by the accident.  I'm happy to report, though, that after some initial wrangling, more than a few naughty words, and a healthy amount of scratches on my arms, the tree finally went up. I'm not looking forward to dismantling it, so we may well have a tree up for a few months :)

Hanging ornaments was fun, and, as always, was a nice trip down memory lane.  It's nice to revisit important moments in our lives, as well as to remember many of the places that we've traveled (a new Christmas ornament is our go-to souvenir when traveling).  

The rocking horse ornament we picked up on our first family trip to London.

Sav's newest ornament--a ballerina to commemorate starting dance lessons this past year.  And her "S" from last year (when she learned how to spell her name and was borderline obsessed with the letter "S")

The first ornament I ever gave Jason...way back when we were 17 :)

We have Sav's Santa photos from every year hung up, too.  

I really thought I had thrown this away during one of the darker periods post-accident.  Savannah and I bought this ornament in Tahoe, while Jason was riding in Death Ride, just a few hours before he was injured.  I'm happy that we're (I'm) in a good enough place to hang this up this year, because Tahoe represents an important part of our family story.

In addition to decorating the tree, Savannah and Jason put together some Lego scenes we've gotten over the past two years.

Now I just need to wrap gifts (ugh), and we'll be all set for Christmas.  And, unlike every other year we've been in California, it actually feels like Christmas--soooooo cold!  I've complained about this in the past--it's hard to get excited about Christmas when its 60 degrees out.  I won't complain anymore.  Bring back the mild weather!