Delayed, Delayed, Cancelled

Savannah was scheduled to have surgery yesterday.  It didn't happen.  Around 11pm on Thursday night, I got a call from the hospital letting me know that, due to an emergency surgery that was expected to take all night, Sav's surgery would take place at 11am (instead of 9:30am as originally planned).  Okay--this was actually welcome news--we could sleep a little later, and Savannah would be able to drink clear liquids (apple juice, gatorade, and water) until 8am.

The next morning, I called the hospital just to verify the times (I was half asleep when they called, so I didn't want to entirely trust my memory), and was told that the emergency surgery had not yet ended (I called around 6:30am) and that they would call me back within 5-10 minutes to give me the new surgery time.  In the meantime, Sav could drink clear liquids.  So, I began filling her up with (full-sugar) apple juice and Gatorade.  She couldn't eat until post-surgery, so I wanted to get some calories in her.  I kept my phone close, waiting for the phone call...and I waited, and waited, and waited.  Around 8:30am, I called back to find out what was going on.  I was told they were still working on the new schedule and would get back to me ASAP, but to keep giving Savannah liquids.  So, she kept drinking.

At 9:30, I received a call from the scheduler, and was told that they had decided to cancel all surgeries for the day, and that we would need to re-schedule Savannah's surgery.  The next opening they had was 2 weeks out.  I was not happy--while I completely understand that a more urgent medical issue takes precedence over Savannah's surgery (obviously), I was frustrated by the communication breakdown and was also concerned that this would happen every time we scheduled something.  Sav's surgery, while it needs to be done, is not an emergency.  It will never take priority, and I don't want to keep prepping Savannah for surgery (walking through what would happen at the hospital, not letting her eat, etc etc), only to have to cancel and re-schedule.  I was not especially nice to the lady on the phone (I had also been extraordinarily anxious about the surgery, so my emotions were all worked up)--Jason had to call alter to reschedule.  She is now scheduled for Monday, June 2.  So, please keep thinking about us and our girl...we'll keep you posted on any developments/changes to this new timeline.

After this all happened, we fed Savannah breakfast, and then she proceeded to run laps around the house b/c she was on a ridiculous sugar high...like epic sugar high. I was tempted to take her to school and let her lovely teachers deal with my sugar-crazed child, but I'm kinder than that :)

Graduation (and upcoming surgery)

I've officially graduated.  I should, however, put an asterisk next to that, because the dissertation is not officially submitted.  I'm still waiting for two committee members to set up a time to sign all the necessary paperwork.  My advisor, though, is ready to sign...so it seems like it's just a matter of time right now.

Graduation was wonderful.  It was great to see everyone, especially people who have been away for the last few years researching and writing.  Savannah was surprisingly well behaved through it all (the ceremony was close to two hours long...).

Jason and I, post-hooding.

I'll have to add some pictures from the ceremony itself later..I need to get those from other family members.

To celebrate, we went to a nice dinner at the Melting Pot.

We had a ton of fun....and so did Savannah, once we got to the chocolate course.  She wasn't terribly interested in the cheese or entrees, but it was clear she had been watching everyone when the chocolate was put in front of her.  She knew exactly what to do.

I'm not entirely sure how much chocolate she consumed, but it wasn't long before this happened....

She had a little bit of a sugar high! After this photo(s) was taken, she regaled us all with songs from Frozen and walked us through some deep breathing exercises.  It was HILARIOUS.

I feel very lucky that so many family members were able to come out for this special day.  It's been a long seven years, and there were certainly times I wanted to quit, especially once I began the arduous task of writing a dissertation.  But family, and most especially Jason, continued to encourage and support me.  I also wanted my little girl to know that you can at least try to have it all--a wonderful family life and an intellectually fulfilling career.  It was important for me that Savannah see me working on this and, ultimately, finishing it.

Speaking of my girl, tomorrow is a rather big day for her.  She'll be having surgery to repair an epigastric hernia at 9:30 am tomorrow morning (at Packard Hospital at Stanford).  Jason and I are, not surprisingly, worried about all this.  While it is a very simple and routine procedure, it requires full anesthesia and intubation, things neither of us wanted our girl to experience.  Savannah knows she's having surgery and nearly broke my heart last night when she climbed in my lap and told me she was so scared. So, please, if you think about it tomorrow, say a little prayer/send good thoughts/take a moment to meditate for our girl.  We need the surgery to go well and, probably the more difficult part with an active four year old, we need her to more or less be inactive for an entire month while she heals.  We appreciate any good thoughts sent our way.

Love you all,

Ashley 

On Leaving Academia

As I write this, I'm just a handful of days away from teaching my last class at Berkeley...certainly the last as a graduate student, and perhaps the last ever (I've learned to never say never).  A year ago, I would have greeted this day with overwhelming joy, but something funny happened in the last year.  I started having fun again with school and my work.  The first year back after J's accident was really hard.  After a year or so of dealing with very. heavy. stuff. it seemed odd to be focusing all my energies on early modern Europe or writing about theatres and Calvinists.  It all seemed trivial.

But once I got over the initial hump of writing--and submitted a truly terrible first chapter--I started enjoying the process more (not always...there have still been moments that I've truly loathed in all of this).  I joined writing groups and found inspiration in reading other people's works (BIG hugs to my writing group friends..they made this past year one of the best of my grad school career), and found myself excited about writing.  There was joy in crafting beautiful sentences and paragraphs and sections.  I also had the opportunity this past year to really embrace teaching through my job as a teaching consultant.  I'm glad this past year has been positive, because come July 15, I'll be saying goodbye to academia.  I'm glad to be going out on a more positive note.  A year ago, it would have been very different.

But I am, in fact, leaving.  And happily so.  When I started thinking about the job market, it became clear to me fairly quickly that I would not pursue traditional academic jobs.  A lot of factors contributed to this decision, with the biggest being our unwillingness to leave the Bay area.  Jason is happy at work, we LOVE Savannah's school, we have friends here, and feel like we belong to a community.  I don't want to destroy all of that.  Plus, the Bay is super wheelchair-accessible and good for SCI-ers. There are, of course, colleges and unis in the Bay area, so if I really wanted to pursue academia, I suppose I could have done so.  But, when I really thought about what I wanted out of the next phase of my life...what I wanted for our family, it became obvious that I would not find those things as a tenure-track professor.

Because, when it comes down to it, there's a lot about academia that I'm happy to leave.  While grad life has been relatively family friendly--flexible, lots of ability to work from home, etc etc--pursuing the tenure track would be different.  I don't want to travel for work anymore (at least not for the weeks and months necessary to do proper archival work); I don't want to leave my family for that.  For as much as I've come to enjoy this final bit of dissertating, the notion of starting a new project from scratch does not appeal.  At all. I also prefer to be teaching rather than researching, by a lot.  These concerns, of course, assume that I would be able to land a tenure track job, that holy grail newly minted PhDs seek.  In the years since I began grad school in 2005, though, the academy has changed.  Budget cuts and other institutional changes have led to the adjunctification of the professoriate (see http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/04/the-adjunct-professor-crisis/361336/).  Right now, 76.4% of faculty at universities in the US are adjuncts--generally speaking, this means: low pay (like poverty level low), no benefits, no job security, no real guarantee of advancement, and so on.  I don't want that, and, honestly, I don't think anyone who has spent 7+ years working on an advanced degree should be put into a situation where that is their only real option.  I want security, and I would like to know that there is at least the possibility of advancing my career. I want something a bit different, which is why I accepted the job that I did.  Starting in July, I'll be teaching AP World History at a new private school in San Jose.  I'm excited to be teaching full-time, and look forward to being able to work with a group of bright, engaged students.

I have enjoyed the last nine years.  I have met amazing people, been intellectually engaged, and have learned the joy to be found in teaching.  So much has happened in this period--it truly has been transformative.  But it's time to move on to new challenges and adventures.