A New Semester

There's something really exciting about the beginning of a new semester--new students, new books, all the possibilities.  I do love this time of year (exception to this being the very first day of classes, when Cal goes from being a nice quiet place where it's easy to get lunch/coffee to bursting with 30k+ people overnight...), but the first few weeks require some negotiating.  My main issue is time.  I got into a nice routine in the fall: I had writing times worked into my schedule, as well as times to rest, or do more research, or spend time with Savannah and Jason.  Now it's time to figure all that out again....my work schedule (at the teaching center) has changed, I'm teaching this semester (which is awesome, but this does take up time!), I need to finish this dissertation, I need to apply for jobs, and I'd like to spend meaningful time with friends and family.  I've not figured out the magical equation that will make this semester work just yet, but I'm optimistic it'll get sorted out here shortly.

The past few weeks have not all been about work, though.  We've also had some fun adventures.

We went to the SF Zoo for the first time with some friends from school.  It was awesome...and ridiculously warm for January

We baked the purpliest of cupcakes

I took Sav to get her nails painted.  This was the look I got when I suggested a different nail color....she knows what she wants, thankyouverymuch.

Blowing bubbles on a lovely afternoon.

Savannah has been working on letters at school, so we've been supplementing that at home.  Her energy and enthusiasm about learning is infectious.  I need to remember that learning is fun :)

We've got some exciting things coming up in the next few weeks: job interviews for me, Jason's birthday (on Sunday!), Savannah's birthday (we're going to Disneyland!), and, hopefully, the successful construction of a schedule that works for all of us.  

Lots of love,

Ashley

Christmas Photos and a Dissertation Update

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I intended to write well before today, but I've gotten sidetracked with various other little projects.  I go back to work next week (and begin teaching for the spring term on January 21), so I"m trying to get ahead on lesson planning/dissertating/other household things before things get real crazy 'round here.

We had a lovely Christmas, full of family, good food (if I do say so myself), and lots of fun.

Savannah loved the doll house Santa brought her!

The boys took part in a Nanoblock build-a-thon..they each got the same Leaning Tower of Pisa set and raced to build it first.

It took a little over an hour, but Jason won :)

After a few days enjoying the new toys, we took Savannah to Gilroy Gardens for their Christmas lights.  We had so much fun, but it was WAY colder than we anticipated.  

Sav gave her carousel horse a hug goodbye at the end of the ride.

Running to the next ride!

Driving the car on her own

The facial expression is priceless :)

Grandma and Grandpa on the train

We all rode the carousel...this is what Grandpa did the whole time!

Gail, Danny, and Nick flew back to Virginia yesterday--we were glad to have them out here for the holidays this year.

And, since it's the first of the month, a quick dissertation update, because there's not too much to update on.  I took the last two weeks off, which was much needed (and, dare I say it, well-deserved).  I'm taking myself off on a writer's retreat next weekend with the goal of firming up edits and revisions on two chapters.  Once I do that, I'll have one chapter left to finalize (plus the edits and revisions that will, without doubt, continue right up til I file the thing).  I'm in a good place with it...there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all.  

I hope our friends on the East coast are keeping warm this weekend with all the chilly weather!

Love you all,

Ashley

A Weekend in SF, and Returning to Where it All Began...

Gail, Danny, and Nick are in town visiting with us for Christmas and New Year's.  A few weeks ago, when we started asking Savannah what she wanted for Christmas, she mentioned she wanted to go to a hotel (in addition to asking for two Aurora dolls, a tractor, and lots of acorns), so last weekend we made good on this wish and took her into San Francisco for the night (we=me, Danny, Gail, and Sav).  We began our adventure with tea!

After tea, we checked into our hotel (really, the highlight for Sav...she liked going out and about, but without fail, she'd start asking to go back to the hotel within a few minutes of us leaving.  Not sure where this fascination came from).

We went down to Fisherman's Wharf and the Boudin Bakery.

Savannah got to practice delivering bread!

The next morning, we went to breakfast and Ghirardelli Square.

Making wishes in the fountain was a highlight for her :)

And then to see some boats on the Hyde Street Pier.

We saved the best for last, though.  Her favorite activity, hands down, was doing the trampoline at Pier 39.  She's a fearless girl!

She was SOOOO proud of herself for doing the back flip!

We've been busy with last-minute wrapping/shopping/baking, but, yesterday, Jason and I squeezed in a trip back to the SCI floor at Santa Clara Valley Medical.  Jason talked to a group of inpatients about life after discharge, and how a SCI doesn't have to ruin your life.  I also talked a bit about how this type of injury impacts spouses.  It was great to be back; it's good to be reminded of how far he's (we've) come in the past two and a half years.  We met some really wonderful people--one of whom was a young man who wants to go to college to study history.  I chatted with him a bit and encouraged him to think about Berkeley.  We're the best after all :)

Back in the halls that, for a time at least, were home for us.

I hope you all are enjoying this joyous season, and that you are able to spend time with your loved ones.

Love you all,

Ashley

It's beginning to look (and feel!) a lot like Christmas!

The Christmas tree is up!  I only recently realized that Savannah has never before had a full-sized Christmas tree.  We were out of town for several weeks around her first Christmas, so I didn't bother with decorations in 2010, and for the past two years, a combined fear of Sav pulling the tree over on herself/Jason not having enough room to get around have led me to putting up a little 3 foot tabletop tree instead of a big one.  But this year, we took the leap and put the full-sized one up!  We have an artificial tree, which doesn't smell nearly as good as a real one.  On the other hand, the fake one doesn't trigger my allergies, so we go without the lovely aroma.

As I was pulling the tree out of the storage room (which has become my personal hell...anyone want to organize it for me?), I realized that I had never actually done this bit of Christmas decorating before.  The last time we had a full tree was well before Jason's accident, and he was the one responsible for putting it up and making sure everything worked.  It's been a while since I've been confronted with a "new" task created by the accident.  I'm happy to report, though, that after some initial wrangling, more than a few naughty words, and a healthy amount of scratches on my arms, the tree finally went up. I'm not looking forward to dismantling it, so we may well have a tree up for a few months :)

Hanging ornaments was fun, and, as always, was a nice trip down memory lane.  It's nice to revisit important moments in our lives, as well as to remember many of the places that we've traveled (a new Christmas ornament is our go-to souvenir when traveling).  

The rocking horse ornament we picked up on our first family trip to London.

Sav's newest ornament--a ballerina to commemorate starting dance lessons this past year.  And her "S" from last year (when she learned how to spell her name and was borderline obsessed with the letter "S")

The first ornament I ever gave Jason...way back when we were 17 :)

We have Sav's Santa photos from every year hung up, too.  

I really thought I had thrown this away during one of the darker periods post-accident.  Savannah and I bought this ornament in Tahoe, while Jason was riding in Death Ride, just a few hours before he was injured.  I'm happy that we're (I'm) in a good enough place to hang this up this year, because Tahoe represents an important part of our family story.

In addition to decorating the tree, Savannah and Jason put together some Lego scenes we've gotten over the past two years.

Now I just need to wrap gifts (ugh), and we'll be all set for Christmas.  And, unlike every other year we've been in California, it actually feels like Christmas--soooooo cold!  I've complained about this in the past--it's hard to get excited about Christmas when its 60 degrees out.  I won't complain anymore.  Bring back the mild weather!

Conversations with Savannah

Some conversations with my girl...mainly because I don't want to forget these :)

A few days before Thanksgiving...

A: Savannah, Thanksgiving is coming up soon.  Do you know what this is?
S: No
A: It's a time when we take time to think about what we are thankful for--which means thinking about things that make us happy.
S: Do we get presents?
A: No, no presents.
S: Oh.
A: What are you thankful for, Savannah?
S: I'm thankful for Santa Claus.  He brings me presents.

After receiving three cookies, that she was supposed to share with me and J:

S: Mommy, do I have to share these with you?
A: Well, if you eat those three cookies, you'll have to agree to go to bed when we get home without giving mommy and daddy any problems.  Is that a good deal?
S: Yes.
[After arriving at house]
A: Ok, remember our deal?  You need to go get ready for bed.
S: Missy [ETA: yes, she called me missy?!], you said if I ate all three cookies I would have to go to bed, but I didn't eat all three (at which point, she hands me half a cookie and some crumbs), so I don't have to go to bed. [Ahh, the feeling of being outsmarted by your three year old is a good one]

While snuggling on the couch...

S: Mommy, when I was a baby, I was in your belly.
A: Yes, you were.
S: And then, I knock, knock, knocked on your belly and you let me out, and I was born in the big building.
A: That's not how I remember it.

How is it December already?

December 1 is here, which means it's time for a dissertation update!

I'm actually in really good shape in terms of the dissertation.  In November, I:

• Polished chapter three (Edinburgh)--it's ready to go to my other committee members who, hopefully, will only have minor suggestions 
• Nearly finished polishing chapter one (theatre history)--hopefully this will also get out to other committee members within the next week or so

My plan for December is to get these two chapters out and get feedback on what they think chapter two (the bit b/t the history of theatre and the case study of Edinburgh) should accomplish.  I've got about 35 pages written for chapter two, but it's rather aimless right now.  I think having some outside eyes on the chapters will help give me some clarity on this chapter, which is, undoubtedly, the biggest thorn in my side with the dissertation.  I'd also like to return to the Geneva chapter and get that in good enough shape to go to my advisor.  That might be unrealistic, though, given that it's the Christmas season.  For sure, that will happen by the middle of January, though.

I'm teaching in the spring (http://history.berkeley.edu/courses/undergraduate/2014/spring/103b002), so in addition to dissertating, I've got to do some admin type stuff for that class. I've set up our course website and finished the syllabus, but now I need to actually find all the readings in the library and get those to the local copy shop, so that the course reader can be assembled.  And then, you know, I've got to teach it :)

I had a minor panic attack this week when I realized how close I am to being done (I mean, there's still lots of editing to do, but the dissertation is more or less fully drafted at this point).  For the last seven years, I've always known what was coming the following year--more classes (in the first few years), more research, more writing, more teaching.  But now, there gapes a big unknown come June 1.  I've applied for some jobs--not too many as of yet, because it's still on the early side--but I don't know what I'll be doing after graduation.  Part of me wouldn't mind some time off.  Maybe take an extended family vacation somewhere fun (I could go to Europe without having to do research!).  But then what?  Not knowing the answer to that question terrifies me.  

I don't want to leave on a bad note, so here are some cute pictures of Savannah and our Thanksgiving celebration  :)

On Balance and Boundaries

It is very popular to talk about balancing work and home life, particularly in the context of parenthood.  Part of my job at Cal is to help train new graduate student instructors, and this is easily the biggest question I get, especially once the GSIs learn that I’m a mom.  Everyone wants to know the magical equation to balance all the different parts of their lives (spoiler alert: it doesn’t exist).  Since becoming a momma, I’ve dealt with this issue of balance in a lot of different ways.  In the first year of Savannah’s life, I found balance by working part-time and being home with her part-time.  In a lot of ways, that time was the most “balanced” my life has ever been, largely because I had no real looming academic obligations (the dissertation being nothing more than this abstract thing I’d get around to at some point in the future) or worry over the future (no need to apply for jobs when safely in the middle of graduate school).  Then Jason got hurt and, well, balance went out the window.  We survived.  And for a while that was all that was really necessary.  All throughout the recovery period, I subscribed to the belief that you can have it all--family, love, work-- just not all at the same time.  I had my family; I was less concerned that my academic career had kinda stalled out (or, at the very least, been put on the way back burner). 

But now I’m in a very different place.  Balance was easy when there wasn’t much to balance (not that the post-accident period counts as not much to balance, but my priorities in that period were pretty obvious--it was easy to put school aside for a bit).  Now there’s a whole lot going on--working, dissertating, teaching, mothering, spousing--and I find myself constantly returning to this notion of balance.  Off and on for the last few months, I have been really frustrated by my inability to balance everything.  Why can’t I work 10-15 hours in the office, dissertate for another 30, be involved with Savannah’s school, find time for my husband, and, oh yeah, the house should probably get cleaned occasionally, right?  Quite frankly, balance doesn’t work for me right now.  I’ve given up on balance and instead have embraced boundaries.  I’ve found that putting boundaries in place have calmed me.  I don’t, for example, work while Savannah is awake (there are a few caveats to this, but, by and large this is my rule) or focus on household stuff during scheduled dissertating time.  Everything has its time and place, so I find myself spending less time fretting about whether I’m “doing it all” or being a “good mother” who does whatever it is that good mothers do.

I’ve also learned to be kind to myself.  There is no magic equation to being a perfect wife/mom/academic/teacher.  There just is what works for you at any given moment--and that’s often a moving target.  This is why, I think, balance doesn’t work.  Life is evolving and messy--the best you can do is try to work out some ground rules for yourself and hope for the best.